How do I untangle my accounts and devices after a relationship ends?

The order to work in — email first, then the shared account layer, then devices, then the household — and the specific things people forget until months later.

Difficulty: intermediate
Time: 1 hr 30 min
Read: 4 min
Safety: warning

Short answer

Start with email, because it resets everything else. Then remove shared logins, family sharing groups, location sharing and trusted devices. Then check devices you both used, the smart home, and joint subscriptions. Do it methodically over an evening rather than piecemeal, and check again after a month for what you missed.

Digital separation is nearly always messier than people expect, because the shared layer built up invisibly over years: an account created together, a password known to both, a device signed in, a home speaker that answers to one voice. Working in the right order matters, because email is the key to everything else.

Safety

If you have any concern for your safety, do not work through this list in the open. Sudden loss of access can escalate an abusive situation, and some changes send notifications. Contact Refuge's technology-facilitated abuse service or the National Domestic Abuse Helpline on 0808 2000 247 in England (Wales 0808 80 10 100, Scotland 0800 027 1234, Northern Ireland 0808 802 1414) for help with sequencing before you change anything. In an emergency, ring 999.

Step by step

Secure your email account first.New unique password, a second factor that is not a shared phone, and check the recovery email address and recovery phone number are yours alone. Then sign out of all sessions. Nothing below holds if this step is skipped.
Change passwords on the accounts that matter, in order.Banking, then anything with card details, then social accounts, then everything else. Use a password manager so you are not inventing them, and give the manager itself a new master password.
Review connected devices on every major account.Apple, Google, Microsoft, Meta, Amazon and your bank all list devices and active sessions. Remove anything that is not yours, and remove old devices you no longer have.
Leave shared family groups deliberately.Apple Family Sharing, Google Family Link, Microsoft family, Amazon Household. These share purchases, location, screen time and sometimes payment methods. Leaving is a specific action, not a consequence of changing a password.
Turn off location sharing everywhere.Find My, Google location sharing, messaging app live locations, fitness apps that share activity, and any tracker tags. Check each separately — turning off one does not turn off the others.
Check the devices you both used.A tablet, a laptop, a car, a games console, a television. Sign out of your accounts on anything you are not keeping, and factory reset anything they are taking with them that held your accounts.
Deal with the smart home.Smart speakers, cameras, doorbells, heating and locks. Remove the other person's account from each hub, change the hub's account password, and change the Wi-Fi password so old devices drop off. Cameras and doorbells matter most and are the ones people forget.
Split the subscriptions and shared vaults.Streaming, cloud storage, music, and any shared password manager vault. Move what is yours into your own account, remove the shared vault, and change any password that was in it.
Update recovery contacts and beneficiaries.Legacy contacts, trusted contacts, emergency contacts on the phone, and the recovery routes on your important accounts. These persist quietly for years.
Check again after a month.Something always survives — a shared login for a utility, an old tablet, a joint account on a shopping site. A second pass finds it.

Tips

Do not delete shared photographs and messages in anger if there is any chance of a legal dispute about children, property or harassment. Copy them somewhere safe instead.
If a device or account is genuinely joint, agree who keeps it rather than racing to lock the other out — but never at the cost of your own email and banking security.
Keep a written checklist as you go. Digital separation is boring and easy to abandon halfway, which is where the gaps come from.

Common mistakes

Changing social media passwords before email — Email resets everything. Securing it last leaves every other change reversible by whoever controls the mailbox.
Assuming removing someone from a family group logs them out of your devices — They are separate. Sessions and trusted devices persist and have to be removed individually.
Forgetting the smart home — Cameras, doorbells and locks retain access through the hub account, and this is the category that causes the most distress afterwards.

Questions people ask

What if we shared an Apple or Google account entirely?

That is the hardest case. Create your own account, move purchases and photographs where the platform allows it, and set up your devices on the new account. Some purchases cannot be transferred, which is worth knowing before you start.

Can I be prosecuted for accessing an account we used to share?

Accessing someone else's account without their consent can be an offence under the Computer Misuse Act, even where you once had the password. Once it is theirs, stay out of it.

What if they will not remove themselves from a shared account?

Contact the provider, explain the circumstances and ask about their process for separating a shared account. Most large providers have one, particularly where abuse is involved.