How do I choose a present for someone difficult?
A method rather than a list — how to work out what someone actually wants from what you already know.
- Difficulty
- beginner
- Time
- 30 min
- Read
- 2 min
Short answer
Think about what they complain about, what they run out of, and what they would enjoy but not buy themselves. Those three questions produce better presents than any amount of browsing.
The difficulty is usually a search problem rather than a knowledge problem. Browsing shops for inspiration rarely works; interrogating what you already know about the person usually does.
Step by step
- Ask what they complain about.A worn-out thing, a persistent small annoyance, something that keeps breaking. Solving a real irritation is consistently better received than a novelty.
- Think about what they use up.Good coffee, decent socks, cooking ingredients, art materials. A better version of something they already consume is almost always used and appreciated.
- Consider what they would enjoy but not buy themselves.The category most presents should come from. Slightly extravagant versions of ordinary things — proper olive oil, a good pen, decent scissors.
- Think about time and experiences, not just objects.For someone who has everything or wants nothing, a shared experience, a subscription to something they love, or an offer of help often lands better.
- Avoid guessing at taste.Clothes, ornaments, art and anything strongly personal need real knowledge. If you are not confident, choose consumable or practical instead.
- Be careful with anything implying they should change.Fitness equipment, self-improvement books, kitchen gadgets for a diet. It reads as a comment even when it is not meant as one.
- Include the receipt, always.A gift receipt is not an admission of doubt. It is a courtesy, and it makes returning something a non-event.
- Just ask if you are stuck.Asking is far better than an unwanted present. Most people are relieved to be asked, and it can be done casually well in advance.
Tips
- Buy through the year rather than in December. You notice better things when you are not under pressure, and it spreads the cost.
- Keep a note on your phone of things people mention. It converts an offhand remark in June into a good present in December.
- For someone who genuinely wants nothing, a donation in their name, or a photograph printed and framed, both work well.
Questions people ask
What makes a good present?
Solving a real irritation, a better version of something they already use, or something they would enjoy but not buy themselves. Those three cover most people.
Is it bad to ask what someone wants?
No. An unwanted present is a worse outcome for everyone. Asking casually and early is far better than guessing badly.